|We Are All Coaches – Guest Commentary by Tom Cox , The Oliver Group
When you think of a “coach”, what comes to mind? For many of us it’s likely the image of sideline ranting we associate with sports. While sports coaches are tasked with the development and performance of athletes, in the business world, coaching is something quite different. And, I believe we all have the capacity to coach and help each other.
So, what is coaching in the business world? It can be boiled down to three basic behaviors: active listening, asking good questions and allowing other to process and arrive at their own conclusions.
The challenge with stressful times is that we tend to revert to our auto-pilot behaviors governed by the behavior centers of our brains. Often called the “lizard brain”, it is from where our fight, flight or freeze motivators originate. When fear and worry rise up, they can stimulate an emotional response – sometimes very strong. This can lead to us expressing these emotions in ways that have an impact on those around us.
This is where coaching comes in. Regardless of levels within relationships, being an intentional listener and coach can help the other person de-escalate, process and come up with a way forward. In our leader development programs, we teach leaders the GROW model of coaching. This is highly effective in situational coaching, as in crisis-elevated moments. Adapted from Max Landsberg’s book, The Tao of Coaching, the model is simple and easy to follow. When someone approaches you with a problem, follow these four steps:
- G: Ask the person what outcome (Goal) they would like to create
- R: Follow that by confirming the Reality of the situation, their reality and ask them to consider the perspectives of others around them. In many instances, the person may start by sharing the situation as they see it. From there you can ask about the outcome, noted above.
- O: Ask them what Options they can envision to achieve the outcome and then have them identify the best one.
- W: After identifying the best one, ask them to outline the Way Forward and the next steps they will take.
If you are willing to support and offer a listening ear, you can help others let off steam and arrive at a better way to handle the situation, or others like it, going forward.
Keep in mind, this is also not necessarily a one-time solution, coaching is a process and if you follow it consistently, you will deepen relationships and can be quite effective at helping others, even in times of crisis.